I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
