I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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