I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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