fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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