DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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