i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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