I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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