Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
