I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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