I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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