i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
