i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
