Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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