Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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