i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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