My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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