cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
