I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
