Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
