I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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