you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
