It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
