I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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