I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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