Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
