Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
