We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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