You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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