Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
