I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
