she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
