Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
