We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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