My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
