Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
