I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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