Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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