Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
