don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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