my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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