I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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