what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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