i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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