mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
