A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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