I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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