Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
