My Higher Power is John Stamos
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
