What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
