Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Welp...herpes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
