Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
