I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
