I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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