Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
4 words: hood of his car
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
