You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
