I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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