My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
